God often teaches me through ordinary moments, spiritual impressions, and unexpected reminders from daily life. As I have reflected on what He has been showing me, three themes have continued to come forward: trusting Him in uncertainty, receiving the finished work of reconciliation through Christ, and walking with integrity in the identity, gifts, and purpose He has already given. Each of these lessons has invited me to lay down fear, condemnation, and divided living so I can follow Him with greater faith and wholeness.
Darkness
There was a vision I was given during an exercise with my spiritual formation director that I was reminded of between the restlessness and sleeping stage Sunday morning. At the time I had the vision originally, I was wrestling with someone uncertainties. My formation director had asked me to close my eyes; I was in a time of silence and then she asked me to describe what I saw. I told her I felt like I was standing at the edge of a chasm, almost like the Grand Canyon type of chasm. My toes with the very edge, but instead of being able to see the chasm, it was filled with blackness. It was the darkest black I could imagine, and regardless of which direction I looked in it was black. She then asked me to look around and see where God was. I remember searching in every direction, expecting Jesus to be beside me or on the other side of the chasm. I remember sitting there for what seemed like forever because I felt like I was hearing “I Am the darkness.” I did not like thinking that and felt certain I was wrong. She must’ve been watching my face and asked me about the struggle she was seeing. I shared with her what I was hearing and feeling.
She reminded me of Exodus 20:20-22 Where Moses drew near to God in the darkness.
In the moment I could not really process. I told her I would have to get back with her the following month that we met to reveal what God showed to me because I wasn’t understanding it. You see in my mind God is light and Satan is dark. The idea of God, being in the black, or being the darkness didn’t make sense to me. So, I did what I do and I pulled out the scriptures looking for answers to what I was seeing in this vision.
I was taken to many verses – Places like Genesis 1:1-5, 2 Samuel 22:10-12, 1 Kings 8:12-13, 2 Chronicles 6:1-2; Psalm 18, Psalm 97 that told me that the vision I had was in line with His Word. He then took me to:
Psalms 139:11-12 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it.
He was showing me that although the uncertainty felt overwhelming to me, like a darkness I could not withstand, it was not dark to Him. I only needed to trust Him and step into the darkness because He was there. He was reminding me that as a Christian, I have to walk in faith.
2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.
The world deceives us saying that we need a five-year plan. It gives us steps to follow for success. The world wants us to believe that we need a certain degree of certainty before moving. But God wants us to follow Him and that takes faith. It takes stepping out into the unknown. It truly is standing on the edge of a cliff and not knowing what it beyond the next step yet trusting that God is in it all.
Reconciled
So last week I was trying to reconcile my bank account, so the following day when I was journaling scriptures on identity and the word reconciled was in my verse, I took notice.
“For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.” Romans 5:10
“For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, so that those who live would no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose on their behalf. Therefore from now on we recognize no one by the flesh; even though we have known Christ by the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, this person is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their wrongdoings against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin in our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:14-21
And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled 22 in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight—Colossians 1:21-22
You see there was this one transaction that didn’t show cleared, even though I downloaded my transactions directly from the bank.
As I put it in the context of the Scripture, Jesus wasn’t balancing my account. He has already reconciled it. The total debts I owe in my entire life were matched to the credit of His death and resurrection to provide a complete reconciliation. There is no sin he didn’t cover. He reconciled it all. It is not an ongoing process, it is finished. Everything I do in the timeline of my life; He paid for before the foundations of the earth.
Revelation 13:8 All who dwell on the earth will worship him, whose names have not been written in the Book of Life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.
This is not a license to sin, but rather a reminder that I do not need to live in condemnation (Romans 8:1) of my past. God is not surprised if I mess up, He already knew I would. He wrote the check to cover it in advance. It is already reconciled. So I must stop listening to the accuser of the brethren (Revelation 12:10).
I also noticed that there was a fee I was being charged that I didn’t realize I was paying when I had to go through the actual statement to find the transaction that wasn’t cleared. When I looked up what the fee was, it was because I don’t have an automatic direct deposit. Being self-employed that is not possible, so maybe it is time to find a new bank.
The enemy tries to sneak in other fees that make me think there are additional things I must do. It might be fees related to lies I believe about my identity. It might be a work-based mentality. I think the enemy tries to charge us fees because we don’t accept the automatic deposit of the finished work of Christ in my life. We often let these fees accumulate until it causes us concern. Then we have to realize that Christ reconciled everything. The enemy can’t add to my account.
I do believe I can still make changes (like switching banks!) to my behavior. I can remove access to the enemy by shutting doors to things I know are wrong or that Holy Spirit is convicting me that I no longer need and that He wants to prune from my life.
Ephesians 4:27 nor give place to the devil.
James 4:7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
1 Peter 5:8-9 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.
Christ finished the reconciliation at His resurrection. Because of this, regardless of how I may feel about myself, God sees me a holy, blameless, and beyond reproach. Satan cannot make accusations against me.
Superhero’s
I love superhero shows, Marvel, DC, it doesn’t matter to me. I do not think I cared much about them growing up, other than He-Man and She-ra. This might have been helpful in shaping who I am, because for the most part I am a “what you see is what you get” person.
I can remember taking personality assessments, and they would always encourage you to think about yourself in one setting, stating that at times we act differently in different places. I admit this didn’t make sense to me, although there are times that I am quieter, (usually large groups, unless I am leading and also until I feel comfortable with people) I am pretty consistent in how I conduct myself.
However, superheroes often have their normal everyday identity, and then their superhero identity. They can have a different outfit for everyday life compared to times when they are in superhero mode. And they often have special skills when they are in superhero mode. Often times they would lie to the very people close to them because they did not want to reveal their identity. As fun as superheroes are, they aren’t living according to the Word of God because they don’t live with integrity, regardless of how good their action or motives are.
Proverbs 10:9 He who walks with integrity walks securely, But he who perverts his ways will become known.
Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him.
Proverbs 28:18 One who walks in integrity will be safe, but whoever follows crooked ways will fall into the Pit.
Malachi 2:6 True instruction was in his mouth, and no wrong was found on his lips. He walked with me in integrity and uprightness, and he turned many from iniquity.
Being a person of integrity to me means that I am the same person Sunday morning as I am Friday night and during my work week. I am going to give my friends that same stuff I would share with a client, the only difference is that I want them to pour into my life too and I am not going to charge my friend’s insurance! My skills don’t go away just because I step out of my office, God gave them to me to use for His glory.
I want to dress comfortably all the time and generally feel fake if I have to really be dressed up. To me, formal events are torture and semi formal events are uncomfortable. I figure, although I can’t know for sure, Jesus probably wore the same thing most days, except when He went to the temple — and I say that because the priest had holy garments to wear Leviticus 16:4.
Here’s what I recognized, an area where deception has come in because of the popularity of superheroes. Identity in Christ doesn’t change. Don’t get me wrong. I know that we go from glory to glory (2 Corinthians 3:18) and faith the faith (Romans 1:17) and that we are being transformed (Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 3:18, Philippians 3:20-21), but our gifts and callings don’t just come and go like a superhero.
Romans 11:29 For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.
Exodus 9:16 But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.
Job 42:2 “I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
Romans 9:11 (for the children not yet being born, nor having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of Him who calls),
As believers, we need to know our identity, our calling and gifts and walk in them for God’s glory. He created us for a purpose, and it is Him who works it out in our life, so if we are holding back in fear, insecurity, doubt, or to appease others.
1 Thessalonians 2:4But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts.
Galatians 1:10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.
In all of this, I hear God calling me back to a simple but powerful truth: He is present where I cannot see, He has already reconciled what I could never balance on my own, and He has created me to live in the identity He purposed everywhere I go. The darkness does not overwhelm Him, my account is not left unsettled before Him, and my identity is not something I put on and take off. Because of Christ, I can step forward in faith, resist the lies of the enemy, and walk securely in the purpose, integrity, and freedom God has given me.
Restoring Voice 
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