Restoring Voice

There is a process in therapy called transference. Basically the person needing counseling transfers feelings they have for someone in thier life towards the therapist. In a positive role, the therapist will have clear boundaries and will be able to help the counselee learn a different coping mechanism for handling the person they really have the feelings towards so the counselee can move forward. In a negative role, the counselee will self destruct and try to get the therapist to fulfill the role in the same manner that the person they have the feelings toward does. In a more determental role, there is a countertransferance where the therapist tries to work out thier own personal issues in the therapy session putting thier feelings on the client.

I am not sure what brought this to my mind, as I am not currently providing counseling, nor am I in counseling. However, I was thinking this is what we do with God, I realize my thoughts oversimplify the matter, but the revelation was good for me. In transference with God, Daddy issues become God issues. Spouse issues become God issues. Trust issues become God issues. Anything that works itself out in relationships becomes a God issue.

I have seen this play out in my own relationships. There have been times where I have felt rejected by God. Yet the root of that rejection is feelings of rejection from childhood. I have felt unloved by God because I allowed how I was feeling towards my spouse to influence how I felt God was responding to me. When I have felt left behind by friends, I have at times put that on God also feeling as if He was leaving me behind. A deeper look is that how I relate to others is often a reflection of how I am relating to God. I transfer my feelings towards others to God.

I am grateful that my great Counselor has perfect boundaries. He knows how to work on my heart and mind to help me work through my issues in other relationships. I remember when God showed me how I was relating to my husband in an unhealthy manner. He taught me to talk to Him before I started complaining to or about my husband. Once I was able to work through my own emotions I was able to go back to my husband and have a good conversation about the underlying issue instead of reacting to the immediate circumstances which were just symptoms to which we were responding.

And when that feeling of rejection comes up, I traced it all the way back to childhood. I had a limited understanding of things from childhood. My childhood self took on rejection, and then my adult self just ran with it. Until I went back and processed some of the things that lead me to feel rejected with a God-sized lens. It changed my thinking, but there is a lot of junk that God is still having to strip away from all those years of distorted thinking.

The really cool thing I was thinking about with transference, is that when I transfer my feelings on to God, He knows what to do with them. If I let Him, He will help me work them out. He is not gonna get frustrated and fire me. He will really set those boundaries, and even when I push them He doesn’t give up on me. He knows that I am a work in progress and He won’t quit on me. He is the best Counselor.

The other thing is, with God countertransference is a good thing! When I can let Him work things out through me, that is what the Kingdom of God is about. When I let Him love through me, others get real love. When I let His fruit grow in my life, it impacts the world around me in ways that I can not even begin to explain. When I really let His light shine in me, others are able to encounter Him.

I know that teansference happens. I realize that my view is over simplified. I can let God help me work out negative emotions, and let Him guide my healing process. He can teach me to let His healing power work through me and flow into the lives of those around me. He is an amazing God and counselor.

As an impressionable young teenager, I remember filling notebooks with I ❤ and some random boy’s name. I remember one sheet that is still probably somewhere in my memoriabilia that was filled with different boys names all the way across and down. There was at least fifteen names on the paper, and that might be an underestimate. I admit, I had no clue what love really was but my infatuation with any of those boys at the time could have easily led me to compromise my character under the right circumstances.

I am not sure why my mind was drawn to the memory of that sheet as I listened to a song about the vastness of God’s love. A song of how God’s love should turn our hearts towards a love for others. Maybe it is the fact that I am often irritated when the love that is required by Christ costs me something I am not in the mood to give. When people move into the draining phase of care and I am in a mood to just skim the surface.

It had been that kind of day. One where more than one person was needing something that I didn’t feel like I wanted to give. My cup was nearing empty and I was not relying on God to fill it to overflowing so I could minister to those around me. I admit, I have found myself here a little to often for my liking lately.

Regardless of why it came to mind, my mind was drawn to the idea that I might have compromised myself at that young age had the circumstances been right. God doesn’t ask me to compromise, He just asks for obedience with only my best in mind. Yet too often, I am still unwilling to give what little I have in my hand to Him. The only thing that is compromised in my relationship with Him is my flesh. He asks me to give up things that distract me from Him. In the moment it may be painful pruning, but I have never had a regret when I have obeyed His request. My only regrets tend to be when I don’t listen to His still small voice.

I am not the same young girl, that thought I loved every cute boy that crossed my path. At that time in my life, I allowed God to keep me from compromising who I was. In my relationship with God, why do I allow my flesh to compromise who God says I am? I want to get to the point with Him that I will love without compromise. I want to get to a place where My relationship with Him means that whatever He asks, I am willing to give generously and without question.

April was organ donation awareness month. There were education flyers around my workplace to build awareness and to dispel myths. Flyers encouraging people to give the gift of life. There were a lot of misconceptions that I had about organ donation, I did not realize that I had. As I journaled this past week about the characteristics of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, I couldn’t help but think of the coorelation with organ donation; some of the characteristics included gift, giver of life, life sustainer, etc.

As I laid down to sleep, I thought about the gift that God offers. He doesn’t put us on a list where we have to dot all our “i’s” and cross all our “t’s” to qualify. It is not a list where we wait for months or years hoping for our name to come up. He is there with the gift, ready as soon as we call on His name asking for Life. Yet so often, we treat God’s gift as if we are on a donor list. We think we have to get our life in order on our own before we can even come to Him. Yes, there may be things that need to change in our life, but change will come through Him once we accept His gift.

The other thing I thought about, which applies greatly to my own walk with God is how we use the gift He has given us. When a donor receives an organ, the have no choice about using it. Thier body may reject it, just as our flesh tries to reject what God has given us. However, if the gift is received it will serve the purpose it was intended by the giver.  They may have a part to play with certain medications or diet and exercise, but if a heart is transplanted it will beat and pump blood through the body without any effort from the recipient.

God offers each of us the gift of salvation. Jesus was the donor of that gift. We choose to receive His donation or not. It has already been donated, and the only expiration is our physical death. But each person has also been given gifts, through our talents and abilities. Just as an eye can not perform the function of a lung, or a liver perform the function of a heart, we each have a function to perform that is God given. Each person has a different expression of their gift of talents and abilities. This gift is ultimately given to benefit others and serve a kingdom purpose.

Just as organ donation is needed when one part fails or another overworks, when one Christian fails or another over performs, it impacts every other part of the body of Christ. Every time I fail to use my gifts for His plans and purposes, I reject Christ’s donation. When I reason with what I feel He has asked me to do, I reject His donation. When I excuse away my under or over performance, I reject His donation. My actions say “His gift is not enough to empower me to do what He asks of me.” Or worse my actions say, “His gift is not enough and I have to fill in the gap because otherwise everything will fail.”

The gift of life is a precious thing. Our Heavenly Father was the first donor for life; He donated His Son to give us an eternal life with Him.  God has blessed this world with the knowledge of ability to continue life through organ donation. Christ donated His entire life so that we could have life in Him. It is important that we not only accept His donor gift, but that we also use every gift He has given us to its fullest potential. We shouldn’t reject any part of the donor’s gift through our words and actions, but should use it to bring glory to the One who gave it all.

Legalistic.  When I think of religion, that is the first word that comes to mind.  As much as I know that Christianity is not a religion, but is a relationship, I still tend to be legalistic in certain things.  I see things as a policy in God’s Word rather than an expression of His love for us and our love for Him.

One aspect of legalism I struggle with is  trying to earn His love.  Although I would not have labeled it that way, I realize that I spent much of my life trying to earn God’s love and approval.  I thought if I just went to church enough, read the Bible enough, prayed more, served more that I could somehow undo years of complete disobedience.  At the time, I was blinded to the motive of my heart.  Yet when I didn’t “do something” I would condemn myself for failure.  The more I worked to earn God’s approval, the more frustrated I would become.  The reality is I knew I couldn’t measure up.  There were not enough hours in the day or in my life for me to make up for my sin.

I would run non-stop from early morning devotion time, to work, to volunteer or church, to family obligations, to collapsing in bed for a restless night of sleep, only to wake up and do it again, and again, and again.  Weekends I would spend catching up on all the things I let go through the week, trying to catch up with my extended family and a lot of self-loathing for all the failures of not living up to the standards that not only the world but also that “the church” places on people.  Day in day out, weeks turning into years and years turning into months, I was exhausted.

I don’t know when it began to click that I don’t have to earn God’s love.   I already have His love, it is unconditional.  He is love. I admit it is still a journey that I am learning to walk.  Battling the standards that are placed on me by society and still walking in obedience to what God wants me to do.  It is so easy to move into approval mode and act out of the checklist and obligation instead of obedience and love. I now find myself intentionally missing like a day of journaling just to remind myself it is not a check box for approval, but an act of devotion.  Or I will not make it to a late week service because I know that spending time with my husband can be just as much an act of love for God as sitting in a prayer meeting.  God knows my heart, and I already have His.

I realize that child-like faith combats the legalistic view of religion. I had paused on this comment, as I rocked my niece to sleep last night.  I had been working on the blog since last Wednesday.  I  had intended to finish Saturday night, but the kids had other plans.  I had to laugh, because my pastor preached on this today.  Guess it is a timely topic, or one which I needed reinforcing. I almost decided to delete the post, but figured I would just finish it out.  

There is a book that I read as a child, and I am pretty sure read to my children called “Where the Wild Things Are.”  The story, although I don’t remember all of it is about a little boy Max who gets sent to his room without supper for something.  He is angry, and escapes to a world of imagination where the wild things are.  There is some story where I am sure he starts out scared, then lets his anger help him scare the wild ones. Max ends up becoming king of the wild things, but eventually decides to go back home.  When returning to reality, he finds dinner waiting on him. Max never went anywhere.  He never did anything.  He didn’t have to.  Even though his parents were upset by His behavior, they never stopped loving Him.  Max’s provision was there.

I think that is a picture of God’s love.  We see correction, discipline, pruning as being sent to the room without supper.  We retreat to a world of self-pity and anger.  We allow the enemy to ride our emotions to the land of the Wild things where he makes us think that we are the king of the land.  We start to believe those lies as our thoughts focus on the wrongs that have been done to us, or even just to stay so distracted by the circumstances that are around us.  We get so wrapped up in our circumstances that we lose sight of the Truth.    We are working to make everything better in this land of fantasy.  In reality, if we would just open our eyes to the Truth before us, God has the supper waiting on us.  He already loves.  He already has provided the provision.

There is nothing that we have to do, except believe with child-like faith in God’s love for us.  God is just waiting for us to get beyond where we are and what we are going through to see who He is to receive it.