Break Out

I love quotes. Each month I put one up on my whiteboard at the office that is inspirational for the month. Looking for a quote suitable for April, I came across this one and just really appreciated it.

“The Easter eggs symbolizes our ability to break out of the hardened, protective shell we’ve surrounded ourselves with that limits our thoughts and beliefs. As we break open our hearts and minds we discover a transformation to new, life enhancing thoughts and beliefs.” ~ Siobhan Shaw

I know for me personally, God has been breaking open my heart and mind, over the past few months. He has been tearing down the hardened and protective shell I have built around myself. I have felt like I am in a season of discipline. Maybe discipline isn’t the right word. It is a correcting which to me, is tied to discipline, but it has been a positive thing, not negative experience.

There are things in my life that in and of themself are not wrong or harmful. These are things that keep me from living fully the life God has called me too. He is slowly breaking them off of me. Sometimes in huge pieces and other times with careful consideration, like one peels a hard boiled egg when that thin layer is keeping the shell from coming off easily. I admit I am the thin layer not wanting to release the shell that has become so comfortable for me. He has been patient and consistent in His work in my life.

An example would be how I guard myself. I know where it originated. It had a purpose for a time. It was needed. Unfortunately, I have just reinforced this coping mechanism and it no longer serves me. On top of my initial reason for keeping people at arms length, most of my day is not something I can share with others. Then I add my husband into the mix and I have a perfect reason for limiting access to my life to others. However, I can only be marginally effective in what God has called me to by living behind this hardened shell.

It is not that I don’t share my life and testimony with others. I will share if I have been through something and I feel that testimony can help someone gain insight – either through normalization or providing a different perspective. I will share if I think it could help someone.

Or I will share in an area that God has given victory or where I am sufficient enough. My personality and tendency is one of authority, assertiveness, perfectionism, and strength. Somewhere along the way, I made myself believe that sharing the areas of struggle and weakness in my life somehow change these things.

I tell my clients that Jesus asked for help both from God and His disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane, I ask “Did He have authority? Yes, the authority of God. Was He assertive? Yes, Jesus said what he meant and meant what He said. People often were surprised that He spoke as someone with authority even at a young age. Was Jesus perfect? Yes, He is the only human who is. Was Jesus weak? No.

So why can I not share my moments of weakness, current weakness with those I walk with daily? If Jesus could do it and He is my example, why would I not? Pride is the only answer. Beth Moore says it best in her book So Long Insecurities when she writes “We no longer need pride to drive us, because we’ve found something infinitely more fulfilling purpose. He is the reason we are here.”

When I allow pride to drive me to protect myself it makes me sound like I’ve got it all together – which I don’t. I am a work in progress just like every other person. Even in areas God has brought me through, I have already learned at times I need more work on those same things.

He is transforming my thoughts and beliefs. He is enhancing my thoughts and beliefs.

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God—what is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.”
Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭2‬

He is exposing the authentic person that has been growing in the shell of my creation into the woman of His creation. He is slowly breaking me out of the shell because even though I can find comfort in the tight space, He knows it no longer serves me.