Cathexis is the time, money, energy, life force you invest into anything you spend time doing or thinking about, whether it be a relationship, a project, a business or an artistic endeavor.
Decathexis is the phenomenon that happens when you cease doing something, whereby all that energy and all of those resources and all of that LIFE comes back to you.
If you want an immediate influx of energy, by which I really mean if you want to open up the internal dam of energy that is already within you, there is one strategy you can start practicing right this moment: minding your own business. Your business is limited to the following: your thoughts, your emotions, your words and your actions. – Tara-Nicolle Nelson
.POD #16: The fine art of MYOB
Do you generally mind your own business? If so, write about your strategies for staying out of the gossip mill and staying focused on your own life, family, endeavors and the like.
If not, how much of your time is spent thinking about, talking about, posting about or interfering in the business of others?
Do you do a lot of saving others? Do you often interfere between adults and the natural consequences of their own behavior?
In whose affairs do you most often meddle, literally or spiritually?
What do you think might happen if you let them handle their own business?
What might you be able to do with your free time and the influx of energy you got?
In some ways I am a MYOB person, and in others I totally am not. As a social worker I get to ask a lot of personal questions. Sometimes they are surface level questions and other times they reach into the depths of another’s soul to pull out what has been holding them down or causing them so much turmoil. So in that sense, I don’t mind my business. Also because of my training and experience, if someone around me is hurting or bothered with something, I have a tendency to get in their business.
However, generally speaking outside of work, I am a MYOB kind of girl. I tend to keep my comments to myself when I scroll through social media and hot topics are being debated – unless I feel super passionate about it; even then I am not really one to engage in heated debate. I will post my thoughts, love them or hate them, that is their business – but generally I post quotes or scriptures with an occasional personal musing or photo. If I like something someone lese posts I will put a thumbs up or a heart, if it saddens my heart, I will put the crying face.
When Yahoo groups were popular I facilitated an online group of 500 women of various denominational backgrounds that were mothers. When things got heated, I had a standard response – post a scripture. To me the Word is the final authority, so while there might be different interpretations or versions, God’s Word put an end to the arguments there.
With family, outside of my now adult kids or solicited advice from other family members I try not to meddle too much. I try not to even get involved. I am there should someone need something, but I am rarely one to seek out if there are problems. I figure if they want me involved they will contact me about it. I also know that too often in the past I would insert my opinion where it was not wanted, and I was very vocal about my opinions.
Now, while I don’t tend to insert my opinion, I will and do pray. As someone once said “People may resist our help, spurn our appeals, and reject our suggestions, but they are powerless against our prayers.” I have journals filled with prayers for my family, people I care about, groups I am involved with and causes I care about. Prayers tends to be one place where I never mind my own business. If I’m honest I find it hardest to pray for my own needs and desires, but God usually meets them anyway.
I am also not a saver. Jesus saves. I don’t.
My children knew from a very early age if they got into trouble with the law, they need not call their momma. When they would complain about things at school, I wanted them to explore their contribution to the problem. Were there teachers that were frightened of meeting with me? Yea, a few. I had a fair share of meetings with the principals, but my kids were rarely in trouble. My oldest daughter advocated to graduate early and won. My youngest advocated against policies that she thought were unconstitutional. I helped her find her voice, but she did the work.
I will always be there for my children and grandchildren, but I know there is a fine line between helping and enabling so I do my best not to cross it. I have given my children money if they truly needed it, but generally speaking that has happened once or twice. Their father and I raised them each to be independent. Letting them learn to handle their own business, as adults they know how to handle their own business.
I have a good relationship with my children and they each launched into adulthood successfully. This weekend my youngest is moving out into her own apartment. She is twenty. She has spent the years following graduation working full-time and going to college. She recently got plugged back into church, seeking God for herself. My son followed his now wife halfway across the country three years ago. They have their own place, he has been working, going to school and they now have their own little one, and a dog. And my oldest daughter moved out after she graduated. She is married, has three kids, they have their own place and she runs her own businesses.
If someone is in need, I will connect them with the resources, but I am not one who will do the work for them. If they need a hand to hold while they walk though it, I can be a hand. However, I choose not to put more effort into something than the person who wants it, regardless of the need.
Since I really started minding my own business, I find that I have a lot more time on my hands. Or maybe it is just because my kids moved out that I have more time. I think the biggest change has been I have more time to pursue the things that I want to pursue!
This post is prompted by Tara-Nicholle Nelson’s 30 Day Writing Challenge for Conscious Leaders.