You already know these things, dear friends. So be on guard; then you will not be carried away by the errors of these wicked people and lose your own secure footing. Rather, you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All glory to him, both now and forever! Amen. 2 Peter 3:17-18 NLT
Grace. I have heard two definitions. One definition is God’s unmerited, unearned favor. The other definition is God’s divine enablement to overcome sin. Grace is a gift and I have the ability to grow in the grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I grow in it each time I chose to keep my guard up instead of giving in to the evil that is around me. I grow in His grace when I take a step forward with Him. I grow in His grace when I chose to stand when what I really want to do is give in.
I have seen God’s grace grow in my marriage. I love my husband and can not imagine my life without him. We have been through so much together. Yet, like most women, I want more. Understand I am not saying I have a bad marriage, it isn’t. I am saying there are desires of my heart that he is completely oblivious to. There are things that he could easily chose to do that would make such a big difference in our relationship (And he could say the same about me). I long to have connection on another level with him, that at this time my husband is not open to.
Our relationship has evolved over the years, our love for each other and commitment to each other is high. Our communication goes in waves. Our time together is usually focused more on quality than quantity because our schedules at work usually conflict. Lately he has not been feeling well, and he is not sleeping well. I am conscious of this when I come home and if he is sleeping I will not wake him up unless it is time for him to leave for work and he is still sleeping. Needless to say this really impacts communication and quality time. Which impacts this girl with all her insecurities.
I see this time as a tool the enemy is using to try to use to knock me off my journey of growth. I will stand because I am not letting Satan make me lose the footing I have in my faith or in my marriage. I also believe it as a time that God is using to prune out some more destructive habits and thought patterns in my life. He has always given me the grace to grow despite difficulties the enemy throws at me. This is just another journey.
Despite knowing these things it doesn’t change that sometimes I get frustrated. I know that God has given me the grace to stand. I have stood through much worse, and I know in my heart this season too will pass. I know that most of my unhappiness with the current situation is increased because I am trying to take on so much personal, emotional and mental growth in the midst of not having my best friend to walk beside me through it and settling into not having my mother to turn to when I really need to talk about deep things. I could choose to just halt things until a better time, but I know that one work of the enemy is to distract us from where we need to be going. I will stand and grow in God’s grace during this time.
So although I have my moments of self-pity, doubts, and melt-downs, I choose to use this time to grow in knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I continue to press in to the Word of God. I continue searching for truths that will help me know Him on a deeper more intimate level. I know that He is the only one who can fill the void I have right now. He is the only one who can change the situation or at least change me in the process. He empower me to overcome the sin that so frequently beset me in the past so that I will know once and for all that God reigns victorious in my life.
This blog is part of a #Write31Days series on growth. 31 Days is an online writing challenge, where bloggers pick one topic and write a post on that topic every day.