I am blessed that I am not an anxious person. I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about things I can’t control. I plan for things that could cause me worry. So when I think about anxious I have to dig deep.
My children are grown with families of their own, and again I know I can’t control their decisions. I don’t worry about things concerning them. I trust their general decision making abilities and I know God has got them.
My parents are both deceased and I was too busy raising three kids to be anxious about their illnesses or deaths. Despite being very close to them, and my world spiraling as a 20 year old when I lost my dad, anxious was not part of that time in my life. I knew both had a security in heaven so my grief was not without hope.
My husband and I have walked though a lot in the past thirty-two years in our time together. We done the parenting and the grand parenting by God’s grace. We’ve lost jobs and made it through. We have done bankruptcy and foreclosure and survived. We dealt with medical issues and lived to tell about it. We have walked though the insecurities that come up in a lot of marriages and are still together on the other side. We typically talk about things with each other when something in our relationship causes one of us to pause.
I am not anxious about my career or what will come after. Although at times I overwork myself, I balance those seasons with time off. I am comfortable relaxing with no agenda or when needed, in the short term, a fifty hour work week. I can set a healthy boundary between working to meet my needs and working to live life.
So when it comes to what makes me most anxious, I say in general I am anxious for nothing. If I dig deep, at times I am most anxious when riding with my husband on super busy interstates. He has never gotten us in an accident, so it is more just about his driving style combined with other drivers on busy highways. Usually it takes place at interchanges when multiple roads are merging into other high speed and multiple lanes. I have seen this in Puerto Rico, in Amarillo, and at the I-40 and I-25 interchange in Albuquerque. It is not every time, but when traffic is heavy that is when I am most anxious.
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