Much of my married life was spent chasing my own dreams and goals and my husband chasing his. To say that we are completely different in our thinking is an understatement. The things we like to do are different, as our are taste in music, movies, activities. Our interests are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Our personalities are similar, we are both a Five on the Enneagram. While what drew us together has changed, we are both committed to our marriage and love still runs deep.
During times of struggle in our marriage, it seemed like only one of us would be focused on making our marriage stronger. The other seemed to at least resist, and sometimes downright fight against it. There have been many times were we were two people living under the same roof, more like roommates than husband and wife. Other times, out of desperation from one party or the other, we would be in counseling and for brief periods focus together on our marriage. Probably more often, we glide through things with the familiarity and comfort that come from twenty-six years together.
Relationships take work. Whether it be a marriage, a friendship, dating, parenting, etc. They will grow stronger when both parties are focused on building, maintaining or deepening the relationship. Focus on quality time together. Focus on communication with each other. Focus on commitment to the relationship.
We have just within the last five years, as our children started moving out and doing more on their own, realized how little we had focused on our relationship. We had date nights, we had physical intimacy, but we hadn’t really talked about what we wanted for the future or how we saw life as empty nesters. We were just letting life happen around us. We communicated about what was going on in the immediate or from the past, but hadn’t really planned for our future.
We realized we had to focus together on common goals in our relationship. Not that we magically developed the same interests as the kids moved out, but without needing one of us to be with the children, we could pursue things together. I still believe that there is a plan and purpose for our marriage that we will pursue together. It may draw from our individual strengths and interests, but it will be for a greater good and have an impact larger than either of our individual footprints. I still believe that there is more for me to learn about focusing together with my husband, but it is a journey that I am interested in taking.
This blog is part of a #Write31Days series on Focus with prompts by #FMFParty. Write 31 Days is an online writing challenge, where bloggers pick one topic and write a post on that topic every day. Five Minute Fridays provides prompts and encourages writers to free write for five minutes on the prompt.