Windows to my soul

One of my friends called me out on something this past week.  I know that it was needed, and I received what she had to share.  I had been hearing that quiet inner voice telling me to stop making excuses.  She was just a confirmation of what the Holy Spirit was already speaking to me.  The following day, I received a message from her stating that she had not meant to come off so strong.  She didn’t want to discourage or offend me.  I let her know that I appreciated her candidness and that I welcome her speaking into my life any time.

I realize that I have a very strong personality, that can be intimidating on a light day. However,  more than anything I want people in my life who will speak truth, in love.   People who will call me on “my crap” because despite what I might say, I know I have a lot of it.  I am very good at making excuses and helping others accept my self-imposed limitations.  I appreciate people who see past those excuses and will speak wisdom and correction into my life.  Most people are not willing to stand up to my personality.  Most people will skirt around issues and then back away from really holding me accountable.

I have reached the point that I am tired of status quo.  I am ready to move forward and grow in the areas that I have been blind.  I think about Johari’s Window, and realize I want to expand the area of Known to Self.  I really want to move into awareness of the areas that I am blind to and that are unknown to me.  The Holy Spirit is the only one that can show me the unknown, and He has certainly been revealing things to me over the past few years.  I know it is not easy or comfortable, but I cannot  grow without being aware.  I am thankful for God’s patience with me as He works to bring the unknown into the known.

In order to grow in the blind areas, I need people who can speak the truth to me in love, despite how I might react.  I have to allow people to speak into my life and allow myself to really hear their point of view.  I feel like I usually do this, but sometimes it takes me a while to process things and allow the truth to take root.  While I care what people think especially my friends, I have never allowed the opinions of others to dictate my life.  I need time take information shared and allow God to show me His truth in my life.

People who speak into my life but want me to rush into change will be disappointed.  That only happens if they are confirming something that God has already been dealing with me on in our quiet time.  People who aren’t able to accept that I am a work in progress are also going to be disappointed.  Change is usually occurring at a rate that may or may not keep up with their perceptions of who I am.  When I allow God to rearrange things in my life, change happens.  I don’t think about needing to update others about the change God is doing.  I think actions speak louder than words, they will eventually see the difference in my life.

When I have confirmation about blind spots from God, or when God reveals something that was unknown to me, I understand some boundaries that have been in place, need to change.  I recognize the boundaries that I once needed to protect myself, are just self-imposed limitations and no longer serving a purpose in my life.  Once I can see that, I can begin to move forward into the fuller life that God created for me to live.  I am working on the window to my soul, what I can see and what others can see.  I am trying to be more transparent with myself so I am can be known by others.