Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7NLT
Peace, even the sound of the word on my lips is restful. When I don’t have it, I long for it. When I have it, I am content regardless of the circumstances.
I know when I am worrying, peace escapes me. At times I let things consume my thoughts that I have no control over. I might not be searching for a solution or trying to figure out how things will work out, but focusing on things outside of my control is worrying.
Last year I saw my peace grow more than I ever imagined possible. I walked through the final months of my mother’s life. God gave me such a peace throughout the process. I wish that I could bottle and sell what He did for me.
The only thing that ever gave me pause in my peace was the conflict between my desire to have my mom with me and her desire to go to her celestial home and be with God, my father and brother. When I would pause and think about this too long, I would start to question my choice to pursue the palliative option in her care. I would start to feel guilty for my choice and my prayers. Worry about my choice would cause me to lose my peace.
My mom and I had discussed it many times, while she was in her right mind and even after. After my father died, her heart was always with him. She was ready to die. It wasn’t my choice, it was her choice. It was only my choice to carry out her wishes or ne selfish. It really wasn’t either of our choices, as God holds every day of our lives in His hand.
Regardless while most would pray for healing, I couldn’t bring myself to pray that way. I prayed that God would let me be with her when she passed so I would not get the phone call. I didn’t want her to be alone. God granted my prayer and her prayer when she went to be with Him on Good Friday. I told God what I needed, and I am thankful that he met me where I was at.
This scripture came alive in my life. God was the only one who could calm my worry. Yes, I could take my thoughts captive, but only He could give me peace in that thought. The more I talked with Him, the easier it was to stop the negative thought trail. To see Him so clearly give me what I told Him I needed grew my peace. To give Him thanks from the bottom of my soul each step of the way, grew my peace. God guarded my heart and my mind through His peace.
This blog is part of a #Write31Days series on growth. 31 Days is an online writing challenge, where bloggers pick one topic and write a post on that topic every day.
This is so beautiful. So beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss, the hole in your heart that won’t be whole until heaven, but I thank God for that peace. It’s that peace that He poured in unfathomable ways in immeasurable quantity when my Mum was dying that led me back to His arms (after more than twenty years as a Prodigal). So, I know what you speak of here. It is then that I started to get to know the One True God. He is so so gentle. So so kind. Thank you for sharing this. It warms my heart too.
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Anna, I am glad that in the midst of tragedy you were able to make your way back to God. Thank you for the comments and for sharing your journey also.