Childhood, part deux

POD #14: Childhood, part deux

This morning someone shared on Facebook about being childlike rather than childish.  It resonated because yesterday, I was definitely being childish.   I won’t defend that it was less childish than I have been in the past, it doesn’t matter – I was childish.  So this is a thought-provoking prompt.

My husband and I work different schedules so I look forward to weekends with him, however his sleep schedule is still different.  I really wanted to go on a long motorcycle ride with him as it was a gorgeous day.  He told me he would be up around noon, but then it was four p.m. before he really got up.  I was very disappointed, as the grandchildren were coming at five.  So instead I pouted and sulked, all night long, displaying childish behavior for my daughter and grandchildren.  And we have a no whining rule at my house – I failed.  I don’t know that whining got me anywhere as a child either.

Yesterday, when I realized my husband wasn’t getting up I could have went to the film festival and experienced the culture of our small community mixed with Hollywood stars.  I could have went for a walk on the trails and enjoyed the beautiful weather and scenery.  I could have called up a friend and asked them to join me.  Instead, I childishly pouted.

Being childlike, I have to step outside my comfort box. There are times that I can be childlike, but my normal self is usually more serious, reserved, and lacking spontaneity.  I rationalize a lot of things away that I would really enjoy if I let myself.  Spending money on frivolously things is hard to me, and most everything I can place in the frivolous category with enough time to think about it.

I had a fairly good childhood despite all the dysfunction in my family.  Being the youngest of five children, I was pretty sheltered from what was really going on – which created a lot of distorted viewpoints that I have had to work through.  However, my childhood was cut short when I started smoking, drinking, and doing drugs in my early teens.   Then I became a teenage mother.  My world changed overnight once I got the positive pregnancy test.  I missed out on all the firsts that come in the teenage years.  I grew up pretty quick.

So, if I was to decide to have a childhood, starting now, I would be a little more adventurous.  I have a weight loss goal that when I reach, sky diving is my reward.  We have a fundraiser in the community that does this benefiting an agency that helps abused children.  It has been on my to-do list for over four years now.  Skydiving, bungee jumping, free-falling – these are things I would love to do – even if I have to do it alone and even though I am afraid of heights.  I want to travel and see things I have never experienced.

I would walk and be around water a lot more.  As a child I walked every where and I loved it.  There was freedom in just being able to go anywhere.  We would walk to the lake and then walk down trails and across bluffs that were only big enough for one person to cross at a time.  I loved the water.  I could spend the day swimming, or just sitting at the shore line with friends working on my tan.  At night we would light a fire and just sit around and talk.

I would spend more time with people doing things.  I like large groups, my husband doesn’t – he will tolerate family gatherings, but he is content with just us or us, the kids and grandkids.  Me, I thrive in complete solitude or large groups.  If we can be doing something fun or serving, all the better.  I don’t remember too much alone time as a child, if I wasn’t with my family, I was with my friends and their families, or with a large group of friends.  I miss those days.

I would do more crafting activities, more adventure rooms, more movies, more pedicures and massages.  These were not things that I did as a child, but things that immolate childhood activities.  Arts and Crafts at school, scary stories at slumber parties, movies with my friends, painting toes and nails at slumber parties – all activities that brought life to childhood..

I am not who I once was, but there are parts of childhood that I miss.  Things I set aside as a mother and as a wife.  Those activities can be a part of my adulthood, even if they look different from what they did back then.