I have been in a funk the past few days. People notice, and comment. I thought that I would “reset” after Mother’s Day. Everyone told me it would be hard. I read every bit of advise from people who have been where I am. I thought I was ready, although I was prepared for it to be difficult.
I have peace about her death. I know that she is in a better place and I am happy that she is not longer limited by her heart or mind. She is with my father and brother, and most importantly Our Savior. I have the hope that we will one day meet again.
And yet I still find myself walking numbly though the day. There is nothing in particular wrong, and yet I don’t feel right. Tears come randomly, and I don’t fight them, regardless of where I am. They don’t come frequently, or hard. Usually just a few trickling down my face, dampening my checks, and sometimes falling to my chest.
Today I found myself sitting in the chapel at work taking a moment to recompose myself. As I sat there in the stillness and the quiet, I poured out my heart to God, although the tears were not physical. I wish that moment could stay with me, that I could have sat there forever. It wasn’t magical or auditory. I just felt that renewed strength to carry on, that it is possible. It is okay to have peace, and still have tears that flow. She’s happy now, but it’s okay that I miss her.
I know that there will be days ahead, where the sorrow comes. Times where my memory is flooded and I just wish that she was here by my side. Moments where I want to talk to her one more time, hear her voice, or hold her hand. As Nicolas Sparks said, “It is possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems.”
This blog is inspired by Tuesday @ Ten Link-up from Finding The Grace Within. The Tuesday blog Link up where you have 6 full days to use the “prompt Word or Prompt phrase” as a part of your writing.