There are many lessons that we learn from being broken that as we are healing have to be unlearned.
I have heard it quoted that research shows it takes 20 to 40 positives to overcome every negative thing we hear. Most people are not broken by being encouraged and uplifted by others. Instead there are negative messages that are spoke for weeks, months, years and decades that have to be unlearned. Usually there are not people that are going to take the time to really pour in that much positive into on person’s life. So some of that positive is going to have to come from self-talk. Going back to yesterday’s post, God’s Word provides a lot of positive that you can use to combat the lies. Learning what the Creator says about His masterpiece (aka You) is the only way to really be able to know the truth of who you are.
Another lesson that has to be unlearned is the filters by which you have learned to interpret your world. When a filter is based on false information that is believed to be true, it skews the way you experience the world. I can share an example from my own life.
When I was about six years old my father was incarcerated for sexual abuse of a minor. Although at six I knew this information, I didn’t really understand what that really meant. Up to that point in my life, as a family with siblings eight and ten years older, I was dragged all over the place for their activities – sports, band, church events, etc. By the time he was integrated back into the house, my siblings were headed out of the house. What I experienced was no parental involvement in my activities or even encouragement to participate in extracurricular activities.
What my young self did not know is that registered sexual offenders can not be around children. What I saw was that I was not as important as my siblings. I thought my parents didn’t care about me as much. I was dropped off at the door alone if I participated in activities. Certainly that shaped a lot of my thinking and some actions that were very unhealthy as I sought love and acceptance in other places. I carried those same thoughts into other relationships. I had to unlearn the filter of rejection when I was an older adult with grown children.
Another lesson that has to be unlearned is that you have to do whatever you can to protect yourself. This can come in the form of walls you build. Or it could be not letting anyone get close to you. Or it could be that you can not depend on other people. It may come in another form. Or any combination of these. These are all lies that keep you from true relationship with others. These lies allow the one that hurt you continue to control you. Walls trap you in, they do not protect you. We were designed to need other people, and to let other people depend on us.
We all have lessons that we accept as true that are not true. These lessons shape our thoughts and the way we interact with the world around us. However, if healing is going to take place, there are some lessons that need to be unlearned. Lies that have shaped who we are need to be unlearned. Misunderstandings that have filtered the way that we interpret the world around us need to be unlearned. And messages that we need to isolate ourselves for self-protection allow an aspect of control to continue from the own that initially hurt us. It is not easy to unlearn things so deeply engrained in our lives, but the Word of God is a great place to start in replacing some of those lies.
This blog post is inspired by Anita Ojeda and the #Write28Days Challenge. The challenge is to write 28 days in February. For more posts on this topic go to Broken Vessel.