Understand that I am a type A personality. I like to complete things, and like to help out and be useful in all places. I have learned how to relax over the past few years, but I learned that I am uncomfortable just “being.” Other than my parents and my husband’s grandparents I haven’t spent the night in someone else’s house for decades. When I travel, I will typically just stay in a hotel despite offers because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.
When my grandson was born in July, I flew out to meet him and spend some time with my son and his extended family. I had the pleasure of staying with his wife’s mother. It was an experience that spoke to me spiritually in ways that I am still processing.
While I was her guest, Pam did not allow me to do anything. I was dependent on her or my son for travel. I made one meal while I was there, and it was just to bless my son with his favorite meal. The rest of the meals were prepared. My mornings were spent in fellowship with Pam, no phones or clocks to distract. My days were spent relaxing with my son, his wife, and new baby. We went to the mall a few times. It was just a time of being. I didn’t think of it as a “vacation,” I was purposed with getting to meet my newest grandson and spending as much time with him as I could because they live so far away.
In my normal schedule, I work full-time, Monday thru Friday – 40 hours. Monday evening I do a bible study, Tuesday I volunteer at a local Women’s program Wednesday is prayer meeting at church. Every other Thursday I volunteer at another program. Friday is reserved for date night with my husband. Saturday mornings belongs to exercise, afternoons to grocery shopping and then the evening to the grandkids. Sunday is church, a nap if I’m lucky, laundry and family dinner. Too many times, I am running on empty when it is time to start the week all over again.
As uncomfortable as it was for me to not be able to “do” anything for those five days, God showed me, that is what He wants from me. I can not work for God’s approval. There is nothing I can do that will make Him love me more or less. God wants me to be dependent on Him. He wants me to be available. My job is to show up. The rest is in His hands. He just wants me to fellowship with Him. To share of myself, and let Him share with me. He wants me to enjoy His presence. He doesn’t want me to be watching a clock, but to just be with Him. When I do something, it should be 100% an act of love and not out of obligation or routine.
I am always surprised in the places and ways that God speaks to me. He shows me little pieces of Himself in the strangest of ways. When we are open to it, God will show up in any situation. He can speak to us in ways that we will be open to hear. And He will bless us with more of Him, even in the midst of other activities – or in states of being. Because the Lord is the Great I Am, I have the opportunity to just be.
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