A friend recently told me that I needed a “safe person” in my life, someone I would feel comfortable talking with openly about anything. In the natural, I know that this is true. The truth is I do have and always have had that place of safety in my life.
Trust comes hard when you have a strong personality and trust has been broken from your earliest memories. From parents, to friends, to trusted spiritual advisors and partners, trust has been broken over and over again.
Just when I think I can begin to trust again I am let down again. People are surrounded by drama. Other people gossip, talking more about others lives than their own. Some are self-focused and they have no room for others. Some people are so needy the suck the very life out of you. When you work with people day in and day out you get to truly see the best and worst of people. I realize that people are imperfect and I honestly am learning to let my walls down and trust people again. I realize that I am not a solid rock and the fortress I live in is fragile and built by the shallow walls of self-protection.
Yet, one thing I have known from an early age, my earliest memories are in a God who I can trust. God was there when my father was removed from our home and I was five. God was there when my best friend died and I was eight. God was there when I was fourteen years old and was raped having my innocence stolen. God was my rock through my teen years as other friends died tragically. He was there when I overdosed. God was there when I became a teenage parent.
God was there when I went through a divorce with two young children. God was there when I was homeless, pregnant and a single mother of two toddlers. God was there when my father died, even when I walked away from Him. He was there when I filed bankruptcy. God was there when my best friend dried tragically. God was there when my marriage was falling apart, and He is the one who rebuilt it. God was there all along.
Even though I never had “safe people” and still don’t feel like I do completely, I have a God who is my rock. He is completely solid, unmovable, and unchangeable. He is my fortress, He is not disturbed by the circumstance or influenced by experiences. When I couldn’t handle life, He save me. God wrapped Himself around my heart and protected me when everything surrounding me was trying to destroy me. He shielded me, standing in the gap when storms battered around me constantly. God is my place of safety.
This blog is part of a #Write31Days series on trust. 31 Days is an online writing challenge, where bloggers pick one topic and write a post on that topic every day in October.