Shield

There is a scene in Breaking Dawn Part 2 at the very end that caught my attention. I love when God takes something controversial and worldly and uses it to speak boldly something He is trying to get through to me. He often shows up where I least expect Him. Given the opportunity He will fuse into the very fabric of our lives. We just have to be listening for that still small voice.

If you haven’t seen the story, Edward’s vampire power is reading minds. From the beginning of the series, he is unable to read Bella’s mind, even when she is just human. It is only when Edward and Bella gather other vampires to protect their child that Bella’s (turned vampire to save her life during childbirth) power is discovered. Bella is a shield, able to deflect the powers of other vampires.

At the end of the movie, Bella takes down the shield that has kept her separate from Edward since they met. Bella reveals it took practice in order to take her shield down and be totally open and vulnerable with Edward.

I have a shield around me. Trust comes hard, is easily destroyed, and almost impossible to gain back. I don’t know why I built walls, why I needed to protect myself, why I started to guard my thoughts and emotions from others. I wish I could say that realizing I have built this shield has made me take it down, but that would be a lie.

God showed me earlier this year that I even extend broken trust to Him. He has never let me down. I can look back on my life and see when He truly shielded me from the events around me. If I had to pick someone who I take my problems to, it would undoubtedly be Him. However, I still try to shield myself from Him. I try to protect my broken areas from Him, even knowing He is the great healer and comforter.

He is opening my life up more to Him. Step by step He has taken me on a journey into a deeper level of relationship and trust with Him. He is showing me that He will be my shield as I put my trust in Him. He will protect me, be a place of refuge. He will save me from the circumstances that would try to harm me, I go to Him.

But in that moment, watching Bella let her shield down for Edward, I had the strong desire for God to put someone in my life that I would feel comfortable enough to let my shield down. Someone who can see not only the good areas but the hurts and hang-ups and still accept me. Someone who is strong enough to challenge me when I need it, and comfort me with the same love. Someone who will listen and accept where I am at as a place of being but love me enough to encourage me to step out into more.  Someone who will support the dreams and goals that God has placed inside of me, help me with open honesty in the areas I need someone to speak into.

He has let me have some practice over the past year and a half as He has opened me up to share things that I would not otherwise. He has given me the opportunity to pull that shield down for a few moments and let others in to know the real me. He has stepped me out of my comfort zone, and yet I cling to that shield.