I was in complete knots, feeling physically ill. Questioning if my faith is as strong as I think. I met a beautiful soul who was standing in her faith for healing. Over a few months I visited with her several times; she was firm in her stance and did not want to be double-minded. Despite the facts being presented, she was holding on to faith. I knew where her heart was and respected her faith, even though her decision was causing me great stress.
Her faith, as a testimony to God and her trust in Him, is the real thing. I found myself torn wanting to unite my faith with her and see God work a miracle in her life that only He could do. Unfortunately, I also knew my faith was not completely there. She was standing at the gate of death. I firmly believe that sometimes that healing we pray for comes on the other side. I do have faith God could do either, but that is not really faith. From her standpoint, that was just double-minded. Maybe my faith really wasn’t that strong, faith like hers.
I heard many statements in regard to her faith. These too, made me question my faith, did I believe these things too. Well-meaning people making statements about her stance. “It’s just denial.” “She must have unfinished business.” “Foolish” – yes, probably so, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
I realized that when people have a strong faith, it does stand opposing reason. It is difficult to stand in faith, especially when you stand alone. It can make things difficult for yourself and others.
What I know, is that her life, her stand made me question my faith.
Am I really standing in faith?
Will I stand in the face of every fact pointing opposite?
Will I stand in the pain?
Will I stand alone?
I know the answer to these questions are “It depends on what I am believing for”. There are times that I could answer these questions with “Yes.” and times where it is a resounding “No, not really.” I suppose what I learned from her, is that I really need to check what I say I’m believing for, I need to answer these questions. If the answer is not “yes”, than I am not in faith. If it is yes, I need to make sure that I have others who are not just giving lip service to my faith, but truly standing in agreement with me.
She did ultimately go to be with the Lord. She found her healing in the arms of Christ, free from pain, judgement, and sickness. She walked into her healing when she walked into eternity. However, she never wavered in her faith. And that’s O.K. but someday, I want to have faith like her.