Everything and nothing less
My life is Yours
Singing this song last night in worship, I realized that I was just singing words. It is not just the good that God wants us to give to Him. He wants everything and nothing less. When I hold back the dark and ugly feelings I have, I am not doing that. I was standing there with an anger growing in my heart. I have no problem offering God my worship, my service, but what do I do with the darkness?
Standing there singing the words from the screen, anger was coming that I didn’t even realize I had. It was rising up about a situation that is happening in my extended family. It’s not my story to share here, but it is a tragedy and my heart breaks for everyone involved and those who are impacted. People who are a part of my daughter’s life, her family, her world.
I had to admit “God, I am angry. I am angry at this whole situation. I was angry at the people who are passing judgement. People making comments without regard for the people who are really going though the situation.” No sooner had that come out, that I realized I wasn’t just angry, I was angry at Him.
Immediately I felt a sense of condemnation that I would dare be angry at God. In His house. While I was supposed to be worshiping Him. I started to feel condemnation for judging others for judging. Who am I to question the situation, the bigger picture?
But God said “Give me everything.”
“I’m singing these words God,” I pray. “I want to mean it.”
God said again “Give me everything.”
The situation – as bad as it is, God can use it. Those people who are hateful – God can change their hearts, I can’t. Even my own anger – God can take it and use it for His glory.
So I stopped. As tears ran down my face, I gave my anger to God. He already knew what I was feeling. I had to trust the ugliness of my life to Him. I released it to Him.
It is all in His hands and under His control.
Now there’s nothing but peace, nothing but peace.