I am…{#Tuesday@Ten}

I am…{#Tuesday@Ten}When I was in sixth grade I did my first “Poetry project”.  One of the poems we wrote was called “I am.” Before I pull out the old version, I thought I would do one in there here and now.

I am….
I am almost forty and content with life
I wonder what the future holds
I hear silence
I see nothing
I want to help people
I am almost forty and content with life

I pretend to sleep
I feel the weight of the world
I touch the unknown
I worry of the change that is coming
I cry when I think of losing her
I am almost forty and content with life

I understand God is in control
I say “I trust Him”
I dream about the things I need to do
I try to live the best I can
I hope I stay the course
I am almost forty and content with life.

My writing was a bit dark in 1990. Enough to have the teacher say “Can we talk?”. Yes, I had already experienced a lot by then, but really it was just a verbal expression of thoughts in my head. I wasn’t suicidal or abused or “emo” as they would call it now.

I am….
I  am abused and alone
I wonder if someone will ever love me
I hear everyone yelling
I see black and blue
I want to be loved
I am abused and alone.

I pretend my family loves me.
I feel the blood flowing from my bruises
I touch my healing scars
I worry they will soon kill me
I cry when the strong hands hit me
I am abused and alone.

I understand it’s not my fault
I say “I’ll get them back.”
I dream of a loving family
I try to make them stop
I hope someone will take me away
I am abused and alone.

It is interesting, looking back. Those things I wrote became a future for me, as I began working with children who were abused. Why my sixth grade self thought on those things, only God knows.

I am….
I am confused and all alone
I wonder if he will ever come back
I hear death calling to me
I see the razor sharp blade
I want him to love me
I am confused and all alone.

2016-03-07-20.55.39.png.pngI pretend he’s here beside me
I feel his arms around me
I touch his loving hand
I worry things will soon be over
I cry because I know he hates me
I am confused and all alone.

I understand he had his reasons
I say “I’ll be alright.”
I dream he says he still loves me.
I try to forget him
I hope he will change his mind.
I am confused and all alone.

 

#Tuesday@TenThis post is prompted by the Tuesday@Ten blog Link up where you have 6 full days to use the “prompt phrase” as a part of your writing.  Whether it be just writing a story behind the phrase or being as creative as you wish using photos, poems, art, or graphics – whichever creative way you choose.  You have 6 days to write and link up your blog at the bottom of the page so that others can link up with you.

 

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About Jackie S

I have been through a lot in life, but through Christ I am more than an overcomer. I am not perfect, I will never claim to be. Praise God I am forgiven though. I am rather opinionated. I see most things in black and white and believe honesty is always the best policy. This combination sometimes comes off harsh. The truth is I love people. I truly love helping others and try the believe the best about others. It is easy to find faults, but focusing on strengths is more my style, but I also shoot it straight. If it sounds harsh, know my heart is for something better for you
This entry was posted in Musings and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I am…{#Tuesday@Ten}

  1. denise says:

    bless you forsharing.

    Like

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