About a decade ago, God took me on a trust journey, I won’t retail all the details, the blogs do that for me. That journey was the second, maybe third time in my life I learned to really walk by faith. The first time, I failed. The second, I was kicking and screaming the whole way, but held on to the hem of His garment through it all. God brought me through to the other side. Then a decade ago, God showed me I had faith, but I didn’t really trust Him. I learned to hold on to Him through that journey. I didn’t waiver in my faith. Christ brought me into a very personal walk with Him during that time. He has continued to draw me closer to Him in the years since. Lately I have felt God is calling me into a deeper trust, a bolder faith.
I was talking to friends earlier in October and had the epiphany that I had a safeguard of a salary that paid the biggest portion of our expenses since 2001. The one exception was a three month period where I was unemployed, even then I had unemployment. I never realized my self reliance before the conversation. I looked at stepping into private practice as a step of faith. The reality is, I have been relying on me.
Don’t get me wrong, I know God provided me the career I have, the opportunities I have had, and the salary. However, I have had my trust in the salary provided by a company to meet my basic needs. I felt like this is the year I finish working for a company even before the revelation. I purposed in my heart to see my current position through to the end of the year. I hope to pay some things off and have less expenses; once again so I knew I could cover it. The day I had my epiphany, the reality of leaving my salary position became real.
Fast forward two weeks, this weekend I fulfilled a couple bucket list dreams – to skydive, visit another state and parasail. I told myself when I got below 200 lbs in my weight loss journey, skydiving was how I would celebrate. Parasailing has also been on my bucket list for when I reached “a safe weight.” Getting to skydive and parasail in Hawaii was just the icing on the cake; to me, it was God showing off and honoring me because Hawaii wasn’t really on .my radar.
I love the water, and initially I thought skydiving we would land in the water. I learned a water landing would only happen if there were an issue and that was not what we would aim for in our dive. There was a moment when we were flying up to the 14,000 feet that I looked down at the ocean. I thought ‘I could jump right now and land in the ocean.’ I actually had the thought twice because I realized I was not yet strapped to my jumper and I had immediate access to the open door. I wasn’t suicidal, just clueless because of my love for the water. For some reason, I had better sense than to mention my thought to my jumper.
I have to say, I was so much calmer than I anticipated. There was never a point I second guessed the decision to jump. There was never a moment of hesitation of the jump or parasailing where I thought “Are you really sure about this?” I was excited, ecstatic, anxious to actually get up in the sky on both trips.
Parasailing was no different. I loved it. There is a freedom in both skydiving and parasailing I cannot explain. Maybe it is similar to what I feel riding behind my husband on the motorcycle. I really didn’t have a care in the world, I was trusting that what I was told to do would get me safely back to my destination. No questions asked, just obedience to what I was told to do. I did ask for the instructions and clarification with my diver. I know I have a hard head and I didn’t want to slam my head back as I was instructed and knock him out as we jumped, so I asked which direction he wanted me to take my head back. Otherwise, I just trusted the experts.
When I had my feet back on solid ground (there might be such things as air legs as I was a bit wobbly on landing), I started thinking about how easily I trusted these complete strangers with my life. I understand neither skydiving nor parasailing is a risk I had to take. Even my husband wouldn’t skydive, although he was happy to take pictures from the ground. I didn’t fault him, it was something I wanted to do. I knew it wasn’t something we could experience together since we would be tandem to an experienced person, it was my step of faith not his.
And then it hit me, it was literally:
a leap of faith
a free fall of trust
hanging on by a string and a chute
I was so willing to do this with complete strangers. The young man I tandem jumped with was younger than my kids. He told me he had started as soon as he could and had only been jumping seven years. I have grandchildren older than he has been doing his job. My parasail captain looked about the same age as my oldest grandson and was wearing a t-shirt (with the company logo) that said “in most states it is illegal to get this high” advertising the fact they do 1,200 feet lines. They joked in the safety presentations that they hate paperwork so really needed us to follow directions. I knew their goal was to get me back safely, their jobs likely depend on it.
Why have I been so hesitant to trust God as completely with my life? He literally only wants what is best for me. He literally will give me every instruction, every step, each step of the way. He is not young, He is the Alpha and Omega. God is ever present. God is all knowing, and all good. He has the ability to adjust my plans mid-drop if necessary for His plans. He is not just looking out for my wellbeing, but His overall plan.
I don’t think all this happened by chance. The reaching a milestone in weight loss, the opportunity to come to Hawaii, the epiphany, the calmness in skydiving and parasailing it was all by design. God knew I needed to see that I can trust completely. He needed me to see that I was trusting myself and not relying full on on Him. I can see He is taking me to a deeper level of trust. I don’t know what Je is calling me to next, but I can know I need personal abandonment and absolute trust to get there. If I can do it in parasailing and skydiving with strangers, I can do it with the God who knows me better than I know myself.
Restoring Voice 
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