Personal Prayer

I feel overwhelmed and emotionally raw today. I know that You have called me to this, and that You will be with me as I walk through this journey.

Highs and lows, we all face them, I know I have a tendency to do both alone. Being vulnerable in the low is difficult and in the highs I don’t want others to feel like I am bragging or prideful. While I long to be able to follow the example set forth in the Bible for fellowship in those times, it really is a struggle. I relate more to David as although he has people all around him, most often his conversations in the highs and lows are with God, Psalms is full of them. You know it is hard for me to see my own emotional side, and even harder for me to express it.

I grieve not being able to process emotions and feelings in the moment. I grieve not feeling like I could share those deep emotions because they hurt others. I grieve not being able to sit in the moment and process others stories and connect with the emotional side, even though it serves me in some ways.
Lord I long for connection, true connection that is both a giving and a receiving. I long for the mutual connection of being known with You at the center of the relationship. I long to be wanted, not just needed. I long to be seen, not just used. I long to have my needs met, the ones that are so hard for me to express because they have been stuffed down so long not wanting to impose on others.
Lord I desire to create the beauty with You of a life surrendered, with a quiet and gentle spirit, walking in Your identity, authority, power and love. I desire to see the beauty of what You have placed within me come to life as You designed it. I want to create with You the beauty of community and connection.
Lord, I still know there is a deeper level of vulnerability You want to take me to. I know there are parts of my story that remain untold. I recognize the lie of the enemy that “it’s not my story” because other people were the key players. Lord, forgive me for putting those peices of my life on a shelf and thinking they are not part of who You designed me to be. Every piece adds to be beautiful colors of life You want to display in and through me. Let those colors come to life again to highlight more for Your glory. In Jesus name, amen