“So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us.” I Thessalonians 2:8
I have generally no problem, sharing the gospel with others. It is sharing my life with others that can be hard for me, even if I’m fond of the person or persons. Being vulnerable is something that challenges me. As I’ve explored the roots of this behavior, I recognize that my memories were shaped by being the youngest of five children in a family where there was deep trauma going on. Although I am blessed and that I always knew I was loved, I don’t think that my family was very good at sharing emotions. And we had a need for very rigid boundaries that I learned to carry out in all areas of my life.
As a result, what you see is truly what you get. I am for the most part, the same person, regardless of my setting. In some places, I can be more quiet, like when I feel I’m an imposter. And at times I can be pretty outgoing when I’m comfortable, despite being very much introvert and needing a lot of time to recover from the energy that consumes in me. I realize that most of what I share is very surface level in most settings. I don’t share my life, despite allowing others to share theirs with me. Typically, if I do, there is a purpose, generally helping someone else. I recognize that in the past, when I have been vulnerable without a purpose of helping someone else, I generally use negative coping skills after.
I believe this is an area that God is calling me to work on in the year ahead. I don’t know what that really means yet, except that I will need to rely on Him.
Lord, I thank You for continually working in my life. You want me to grow into the person You created me to be , not just the one shaped by my external life circumstances or my personality traits. Help me to bring my whole self to You so that You can show me how to be vulnerable without others. In Jesus name. Amen.
Restoring Voice 
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