My Own Worst Enemy

Don’t be afraid of your enemies; always be courageous, and this will prove to them that they will lose and that you will win, because it is God who gives you the victory. Philippians 1:28

I don’t feel like I have an enemy, maybe I am blind to it. If there are people against me, I just know it’s not impacting me. So as I thought about how this scripture applies to my life, I thought about how sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I am slowly uncovering promises I made to myself that have held me back. I am discovering lies I have believed that have kept me immobilized instead of doing what God has called me to do.

As I was driving to work this morning, I was reminded of words I uttered when I was eight years old. I’ve thought about the words I said before, but never thought about how those words shaped my future. I haven’t thought about how the reaction of others during that time in my life shaped how I responded going forward.

What I felt holy spirit show me was that it had. Despite being a therapist, I have worked to not show vulnerable emotions to any one other than God. I can cry in worship service, but I really fight those same tears in a small group. I fight those same tears when I am with those closest to me. Emotions have been difficult. I am okay with other’s emotions, just not my own.

I have made an improvement over the past decade, but I feel like God was showing me the root that needs to come out so that I can find true healing in my life. The roots that need to come out so that I can stop seeing emotions as my enemy and be courageous enough to show them. That stunted emotional vulnerability in my life will lose because God made me to be an emotional person because I was made in His image. That I will win because God has the victory even when I am my own worst enemy.

The first step is allowing God to show me those areas where my thoughts and actions are my enemy. I believe this is a life long process. Sometimes I’ve needed support during it, other times I have to just be silent with God. When I surrender my thoughts to the Lord, He will show me where they are misaligned.

The second step is to allow the Lord to reveal where those thoughts and actions originated. Sometimes this is obvious but other times it will take time to find the root. Some thought origins are less obvious or deeply hidden by our defense mechanisms. The first time I allowed God to reveal the origin of a thought it took me a month and a half because the thought came early in my life and had shaped so much of my perception of the world around me. It was not grounded in truth, just facts that were shaped by the limited knowledge of a five year old child.

The third step is looking for the truth of God’s Word to begin to reveal your true identity or the truth about the circumstance. Truth trumps facts. You can begin to replace the enemy’s thoughts and action with the truth so that your victory in Jesus can be complete.

Lord, I thank you again for the beginning the work in me to root out the wise that are an enemy to my soul and that keep me from all that you want me to do. And by that I mean all that you want to do in and through me. I know in the end they will lose. Victory in you.