Broken in Repentance

Passage – Tear your heart, not your garments;
and turn to Adonai your God.
For he is merciful and compassionate,
slow to anger, rich in grace,
and willing to change his mind about disaster. Joel 2:13

Restated in my own words – Let your heart be broken in repentance, not just an outward show. Turn to the Lord your God. He is merciful, compassionate, slow to anger, rich and Grace, and willing to change His mind about consequences.

Application to my life – Today I felt convicted over something I’ve suggested before. Finding a way around things by going to another place. Medicare has a donut holes where it stops paying for medications until the recipient has paid a specific amount and gets to the other side of the hole, I suggested going to a different pharmacy with a coupon because the coupons don’t work with a state or federal programs. I have never thought of it as wrong but today a patient told me it was fraud. I am not really sure if it is or not since people can chose to use their insurance or not but it hit me.

How many things do I think outside of the lines on? Like giving away things that have been given to me. Is that lying if I don’t say it really came from another place? My friend thinks it is. If I call someone on a behavior that is not mine to call them out on, like telling my friend she was creating a negative environment with her complaining, when we were neither talking about it nor had she asked for my opinion or for me to hold her accountable for something she wanted to work on especially in front of others. The Holy Spirit convicted me of that. I repented and then apologized.

I really feel bad, but I know it’s a pattern for me that only God can break. I have to turn to Him to break my heart not just to penetrate to consider it might not be OK but to bring about the change that only He can bring in my life. I want Him to hold me to a higher standard but it’s not my place to try to hold others to a standard I’m not meeting (unless they ask for that accountability in a certain area) or that God has called me to rise up too.

I am thankful He is merciful and compassionate in His conviction of me to change. I am grateful He is slow to anger because I fail frequently. I am full of praise for His great grace towards me and that I often have been kept from the full consequences of my actions.

Your response back to God – Lord, thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for bringing me to the awareness of areas I need to change in and giving me grace while You help me to change. Lord never stop doing that for me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, even if it is my actions. Lord help me to walk in the mercy, compassion, and grace that You have offered to me. Help me to extend it to others. Help me to be slow to anger and willing to change my mind also. In Jesus name I ask this amen.