“I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.” Psalms 32:8
From an early age, I was instructed and taught the Word of God. I knew right from wrong, and for a long time, I chose right. I wanted my life to be pleasing to God. Even when my world was crashing down around me, I was still receiving counsel from Him.
When I walked away from church, God was there trying to get my attention. His Word was hidden in my heart; it still flowed out from time to time. I would be reminded of His promises and goodness, often at the most inopportune times. He was still trying to guide me back to Him. He was still trying to to help me see the way I should go.
When I filed for a divorce, it was not man’s counsel I sought, it was God’s. That was the first time I remember really pressing into God’s Word for myself, seeking Him to teach me and instruct me in what to do. Through my tears and heartache, I would search His word for truth and answers to where I was. Divorce was never part of my plan, but He was not surprised by it. After my husband and I remarried, when we hit tough times, it was godly counsel we turned to for help.
A few years after my divorce, when I was homeless, it was spiritual counsel I sought out for the solution. My Sunday School teacher helped me to get into supportive housing and get the support I needed. I got enrolled in college and was able to get into permanent housing. She mentored me to help get my life back on the right path.
When my father was dying, it was pastoral counsel I sought to make sure he was ready to meet Jesus. I was standing in faith for his healing. My world was rocked to the core when he died. In my brokenness, I had the assurance that my dad was right with God and in Heaven.
When I was at my wit’s end, it was the Word of God that brought comfort. There was a message that carried me through some of the toughest years of my life. I held on the the promise that the blessing was closer than the enemy wanted me to believe. While I am still holding on to that promise for some blessings, God has been faithful with blessings throughout my walk with Him.
Some people feel like God is always watching them, waiting to strike them down because of their weaknesses or failures. His correction is seen as punitive. They see God as a harsh Father waiting for them to mess up.
I have never seen God in that light. Even in my family’s deepest, darkest moments, God and the church is where refuge was sought. I remember after my father was released from jail, following a conviction for incest, we would meet on Sundays and Wednesday to go to church as a family. I also remember sitting outside the pastor’s door while my parents received counseling.
Even when I walked away from God as a teenager, I knew God was watching over me. He was trying to draw me back to Him, and would show up in the weirdest ways. Maybe He does it for all people who are on drugs, I don’t know. We would be partying and randomly get into deep theological discussions about God and the Bible. I know at times I faced the consequences of my actions, but I can also see His hand upon me keeping me from destruction during that time.
Don’t get me wrong, I have received a lot of correction from God. He is still pruning and disciplining me thirty-two years later. I just see the love in His actions. I know that His heart for me is always good.
He keeps His eyes on me because He cares for me. It is not that He is trying to catch me doing wrong; He knows the wrong I will do. Every day of my life is already written down. He is not surprised by my actions. When that discipline comes, I know He is trying to help me, not harm me, regardless of how it feels in the moment.
God is love. Out of His love for me, He instructs me and teaches me so that I can fulfill the plans and purposes He created me to do. When I open my ears to listen, He will counsel me. Sometimes that counsel will come as a still small voice, confirmation in His Word, through a message preached, or from godly counsel, but it will come. He keeps His eyes on us, not waiting for use to mess up, but because He genuinely cares for us and wants to help us in the way we should go.